9/18/2004

So in keeping with MTV’s summer reign over all things mediocre, they aired their yearly celebration of it, which they refer to as the Video Music Awards. The VMA’s (because dumbing everything down makes consumption easier) have in past years at least served some sort of amusement for those like myself who obtain a fair amount of amusement from watching morons attempting to be talented, and from millions of dollars being spent on dance numbers that would get laughed off the stage at a talent show at a school for the mentally handicapped. However, this year it delivered nothing more than pure, 100%, unfiltered blandness. Nothing at all was entertaining. No botoxed Axl Rose trying to recreate 1991, no whores of yesterday making out with the whores of today, no overrated white rapping egomaniacs having their black posses beat up a rubber dog puppet. There weren’t even any former child actresses trying to expand their appeal by dressing like streetwalkers and showing off their new “image” (i.e. jugs). Just straight up, 100% pure grade A American mediocrity. Well, Dave Chappelle was brought in to “shake things up a bit” but they’d only give him 30 seconds at a time to explain to people how pointless their celebrity status was and then they’d cut to Usher. And who the fuck is Usher and why the fuck are we supposed to fucking care. He looks like Jaleel White hit the gymn, and it’s the episodes of Family Matters where Urkel’s alter ego Stephan showed up. From what I inferred from the fact that 80% of the show was focused on him, I’m assuming that means he’s this day’s mega star, to be revered and worshiped by money holding 12 year-olds around the nation. This is 2004’s Elvis? Our era’s Prince? Our non-child molesting, black Michael Jackson? God help us.
Many other aspects of the show, which is the reflection of all pop culture presented on television, that showed what a uneventful time we live in include how excited the kids are supposed to be by people far past their prime like the Fresh Price and fat Shaq. And for some reason, not only is rock music (which is the foundation of all popular youth culture to begin with) now considered a novelty, shit like Hoobastank and Yellowcard are considered rock bands. Since when are playing really lame ballads and violins considered rocking? Bon Scott must be rolling in his grave.
The highlight of the entire program for me was when the made up award for the made up category of best video game sound track was given out to some Tony Hawk game and the amazing song “Remedy” by Hot Water Music was played on MTV for a good 45 seconds. Now, if an award were given out to someone for “Best Video Game Soundtrack”, you’d think someone who made the video game or someone who wrote the sound track would have something to do with the presentation of the award. Unless you’re on MTV, where logic doesn’t apply! Then it has nothing to do with music at all and it’s just another 2 minutes for Tony Hawk and Bam Margera to hock their new game coming soon to a single parent home near you.
Yeah, so popular culture is fucked and it’s spreading it’s disease to the underground. So where the hell is the counter culture supposed to go when technology is so “advanced” (the internet, picture phones, blogs like this one) spread things that have potential value and significance so quickly into the mainstream that they’re dead before they can have an impact. How are anthems like “Rise Above” and “Out of Step” supposed retain their power 20 years later when they’re raped and then disposed of for the sake of ratings by a corporation trying to sell ads, or warn at t-shirts by flavor of the week celebrities to be hip. If you look at the bands Major Labels and MTV are promoting, it’s a complete joke. Except for the fact that kids are buying more shit, and therefore because bands like Maroon 5 sell millions despite they’re a bunch of hacks who no one will give a shit about in 6 years, majors look for the next bunch of dorks like them willing to whore themselves to the masses for a paycheck. Maybe it’s a rebellion against what we had 10 years ago when bands like Nirvana and Green Day were actually making albums that still stand up over a decade after they were released. What can you do? What can you do when everything you placed your faith in like faith in a higher power and punk rock get whittled down from ways to live your life, into dollar signs of the week like Passion of the Christ and Ashlee Simpson? I’ll tell you! You can get drunk at 10 in the morning and bitch about it on the Internet!

Things that are ruling my coalmining ass!
-Patton Oswalt: Feelin’ kinda Patton; nummers!
-Best Week Ever; Maybe there is a reason God put me on this planet
-Da Ali G Show
-Discovering the fact that after 9 years, I’m still in love with Screeching Weasel
-Drinking beer at SDSU’s food court at 1pm on a Wednesday
-Will Ferrell; “Your name is Liar! You sell lies!”
-Napoleon Dynamite; Still the only great thing South Salem High School produced, next to this blog

This rant was fueled by Avail’s “Over the James”, Bouncing Souls’ “Maniacal Laughter” and the six-pack of Newcastle I bought the night before but finished while writing this.