Why do people drink Bloody Marys?
Honestly. Do they think they taste good, because they don't. Case in point; six and a half years ago when Uncle Sam said I was old enough drink legal, I flew home from school for a weekend for one reason and one reason only: so my friend Tim Lowery could take me out drinking. I should probably add that I was attending PLNU at the time (former home of the Crusaders, current home a mascot that has a Lion's head and flippers they call the Sealion) who felt that the Bible made it clear that while Jesus' first miracle had been to create booze to keep a party a flowin, those who actually tasted Hosana's creation were sinners for doing so and currently reside in the 8th circle of Hadies. Translation; the overzealous Bible school I went to wouldn't let us college students drink, and if we did we'd get kicked out.
Anyway, I flew home and Timmy took me both of Salem, Oregon's fine drinking establishments, the Brick and the Ram. This was the first time I'd actually been to a bar so he ordered me a Long Island Ice Tea and himself the Bloody Mary. He gave me a sip and I encountered flavors that had to have been created on a dare; tomato soup over ice with some vodka in it. Why would anyone WANT to drink that? Maybe hot with some grilled cheese, but out on the town on a Friday night, ready to tear up both the Beaver State's Capitol's bars?
This mystery perplexed me for years until this afternoon when my beautiful girlfriend said she like to spend the afternoon sipping cocktails on the front porch, so we went to BevMo. After scanning the variety of dandy drinks, we decided the one we'd like to sip would be the afoul Bloody Mary. At first I was hesitant, but then I remembered the drink's history as the worlds' most popular breakfast boose. Hadn't Dr. Gonzo sipped a tall red one with a leafy green celery stalk peering out while fuckin shit up at 8 am? And hadn't any other great literary drunk sipped from it's culdron of awesome because simply, it was boose Goddammit and it got you drunk first thing in the morning!? Plus, the brand of mix we found had too cool lookin old dudes on it and it's second ingrediant was Horseradish. This had to be the elixer of Men I tell you, so I decided to give it another shot.
Well needless to say, I feel like vomiting right now, and my offical stance is that tomato soup is not a beverage to be sipped cold. Sure hot on a rainy day it and some dry close may be the Lord's cure to a runny nose, but it's not intended to be enjoyed cold through a straw on a hot day. No my friend, those are the necessiary ingrediants to an angry stomach that may erupt at any moment, so take heed and stay away I tell you. Even at 8 am, a Heinkin is the more sound decision.
Honestly. Do they think they taste good, because they don't. Case in point; six and a half years ago when Uncle Sam said I was old enough drink legal, I flew home from school for a weekend for one reason and one reason only: so my friend Tim Lowery could take me out drinking. I should probably add that I was attending PLNU at the time (former home of the Crusaders, current home a mascot that has a Lion's head and flippers they call the Sealion) who felt that the Bible made it clear that while Jesus' first miracle had been to create booze to keep a party a flowin, those who actually tasted Hosana's creation were sinners for doing so and currently reside in the 8th circle of Hadies. Translation; the overzealous Bible school I went to wouldn't let us college students drink, and if we did we'd get kicked out.
Anyway, I flew home and Timmy took me both of Salem, Oregon's fine drinking establishments, the Brick and the Ram. This was the first time I'd actually been to a bar so he ordered me a Long Island Ice Tea and himself the Bloody Mary. He gave me a sip and I encountered flavors that had to have been created on a dare; tomato soup over ice with some vodka in it. Why would anyone WANT to drink that? Maybe hot with some grilled cheese, but out on the town on a Friday night, ready to tear up both the Beaver State's Capitol's bars?
This mystery perplexed me for years until this afternoon when my beautiful girlfriend said she like to spend the afternoon sipping cocktails on the front porch, so we went to BevMo. After scanning the variety of dandy drinks, we decided the one we'd like to sip would be the afoul Bloody Mary. At first I was hesitant, but then I remembered the drink's history as the worlds' most popular breakfast boose. Hadn't Dr. Gonzo sipped a tall red one with a leafy green celery stalk peering out while fuckin shit up at 8 am? And hadn't any other great literary drunk sipped from it's culdron of awesome because simply, it was boose Goddammit and it got you drunk first thing in the morning!? Plus, the brand of mix we found had too cool lookin old dudes on it and it's second ingrediant was Horseradish. This had to be the elixer of Men I tell you, so I decided to give it another shot.
Well needless to say, I feel like vomiting right now, and my offical stance is that tomato soup is not a beverage to be sipped cold. Sure hot on a rainy day it and some dry close may be the Lord's cure to a runny nose, but it's not intended to be enjoyed cold through a straw on a hot day. No my friend, those are the necessiary ingrediants to an angry stomach that may erupt at any moment, so take heed and stay away I tell you. Even at 8 am, a Heinkin is the more sound decision.
