Obie Perez is a LIAR!: An Official Retraction

Last week I published an article about Obie Perez. In that article, of which the main objective was to present his opinion on a movie, Obie told a story that became the center piece of that article. People asked me about it. They told me how funny it was. I was proud of the outrageous tale I had goaded out of one of Chicago's most colorful characters. 

During our talk, Obie purported to have had sexual intercourse on commercial airline flights, three separate times with three different women, claiming that one of those times was with a woman he met on the flight. At the time, I felt like I was sitting on journalistic gold. Obie was candid and frank, obliging in giving every thought, feeling and detail of the encounter, letting the reader experience such an encounter as if they were Obie himself. Honestly, I was amazed.

Several days after the interview, I approached Obie and asked him if he remembered me interviewing him at all. At first he did not, but then after reminding him of several details, he began to vaguely recall us talking. When I asked him about the Mile High Club incidencent, he responded with, "Oh yeah? You know I made that shit up, right?" I was stunned and my stomach turned. I was in complete shock. Not only was the most interesting aspect of the inteview not true, but I had told you, the reader something that wasn't true. He told me that he had, in fact had sex on a plane before, but it wasn't with a stranger and it wasn't during an aformentioned free flight from California that passed Chicago and whent to Pensylvania, and then he had to go back to Chicago. I am not happy to have to come to you and tell you that something that I presented as factual, something I was told by Obie was factual, was in fact a lie. 

To get to the bottom of why he told me something that wasn't true, I sat down with Obie a second time to discuss why he had decieved me and got to the bottom of what really happened. During this interview, Obie claimed that he was not as intoxicated as he was during the original interview, but it is my journalistic opinion that he was far more ineberated this time, which can been noted from him spilling PBR on my shoes and his much more frequent tendancy to ramble in jibberish. 

Me: All right. Obie Perez. Two week ago, you and I talked about Prometheus-

Obie: Asshole!

Me: While we were talking about Prometheus, you told me you'd had sex on a plane three times. I asked you about the one time you said you'd met someone on a plane and had sex with that person on the flight you met them on. You later told me that you made that up, that it was total bullshit. Why did you do that?

Obie: Because talking about sex on a plane is pimp-

Me: It's pimp?

Obie: Fuck yeah it's pimp-

Me: I KNOW THAT! But why are you leading me astray with false information?

Obie: No nah nah nah. No. Ah. I was-

Me: You're spilling your beer, dawg. On m'ah feet. 

Obie: No. I was severely, SEVERELY ineberated the last time we had this interview.

Me: Were you more drunk then or now?

Obie: I was definately more drunk then

Me: You're more drunk now.

Obie: ......No.

Me: And that's my professional opinion. I'm BASET certified.

Obie: ARE YOU A BARTENDER?!?!

Me: I'm BASET certified.

Obie: ARE YOU A BARTENDER?

Me: I've served drinks for money.

Obie: Are you a bar tender?

Me: Yes.

Obie: No you're not.

Me: Well, technicly-

Obie: No you're not!

Me: Well, irregardless. Why did you make that story up?

Obie: Because. Well........basicly......I WAS WASTED! I WAS WASTED!

Me: Well, tell me this-

Obie: I was wasted! And when I'm wasted, I make shit up. 

Me: But you've done things that cool, haven't you? Obie, your life is already that cool. You do that shit, son. Don't you? You roll like that, right?

a very long pause follows, accompanied by an intelligible grunt

Me: All right. Although you did not-

Obie: SO MY HAND NOW IS, I'm (jibberish follows)

Me: What?

Obie: My hand is not cooperating.

Me: Ok

Obie: That's fucked ah dibble zibble ah boop. So now I'm angry at my hand-

Me: Let me ask you this-

Obie: Angry at my hand-

Me: You're angry at you hands?

Obie: Have you ever been angry at a body part?

Me: (sigh) Yeah....'

Obie: Like, angry at the point, like, "fuck you..."

Me: Yeah, I've had my foot falls asleep

Obie: Strike. Strike. Fuck you. Cuz zimble dimble bim bap. 

Me: Let me ask you this, although, have you ever met someone and then fucked them on a plane?

Obie:.......Yeah. 

Me: Well, but you said you hadn't. I mean, like met them on the plane-nevermind. What was the shortest amount of time between meeting someone and then fucking someone? For you?

Obie: Ah, I've had sex on a plane twice. Once-

Me: No! This is bullshit. Ok, Once, you were with your girlfriend-

Obie: Once with someone I was dating, and once with a random person.

Me: A random person?

Obie: Yeah

Me: Oh that's bullshit, you totally said that before. Let me ask you this: although that story you told me was made up, could that have been true? Are you capable of meeting someone on a plane and then fucking them on a plane, on that same flight?

Obie: Yeah

Me: Hell yeah?

Obie: Fuck yeah.

Me: And isn't that all that matters? 

Obie:....No!

Me: No? Well, actually what I'm asking is, although you didn't do it, do you think you could have done it?

Obie: Yeah

Me: Hell yeah? Alright, any final thoughts?

Obie: Ah, when and whenever possible, why wouldn't you do......have sex on an airplane?

Me: Exactally. Thank you Obie.

Obie: Just sayin. 

Me: Thank you.

Obie: Just sayin.